We've been cautious about our days and timing but I'm getting stressing if we miss the window or not. At this point, I really have done all I can do on my own. It's time to sit back and get help and try not to worry about every little thing.

Going into this appointment, I didn't know what to expect. I mean, I've never done this before. I didn't know if they could do any of the needed procedures there. I didn't know how quickly I could get a referral. I had a lot of questions and felt like my doctor answered all of them. 

Although I feel a lot better, I just don't know how we got here. A year ago, we had a conversation to start trying to conceive and now we are making appointments with a fertility clinic. 

Now that I am officially in my twelfth cycle of trying to conceive our first little baby C, I've reflected on the last 12 months/cycles because I've learned a lot. I've not only learned a lot about my body, my cycle, my wants and needs, but I've learned a lot about myself and my marriage with my husband. All are really good things but I've learned a lot and although this time has been hard and trying -- at least something good is coming from it.

Moving forward, I don't know what I want to do yet. I keep thinking that taking cycle twelve off would be nice but I don't know if I can do that. I have a doctor appointment on June 7th where we are going to talk about the fact that we've been trying for almost twelve complete cycles with no success and I'm going to talk about doing bloodwork, and ultrasound, and ask more information on the surgery for Endometriosis. I feel like I need a definite diagnosis and I know that surgery is the only way to do that.

I am doing my very best to feel positive this cycle and I have found myself fighting back negative feelings more often than usual. I’ll do my best to keep this update positive but I do want to tell you all how I am feeling, because I know that I am not alone.

The biggest change this week was my inflammation diet. I started this on May 3rd and 100% cut diary, soy, artificial sugar, and bread/gluten other than Whole Grain or Sprouted Grain bread. The next thing I needed to tackle was red meat but I recently stopped eating red meat on May 10th. All of these foods, cause inflammation which can be preventing me from getting pregnant. I shared in my blog post about my Endometriosis diagnosis, but I felt a lot of anger at first because no one caught this sooner.

It's funny to me that I have this weird feeling today because I usually don't care about these types of holidays. Valentine's Day is nothing special to me and that is a day about celebrating your love for another person - so why would Mother's Day be any different? Maybe I feel that way because I am not a Mother and I understand that. Now that we have been trying to conceive for eleven months, I have a deeper understanding of a lot of things. This day being one of them because I have read blog posts, articles, instagram captions, and emails from so many women who dread two days; April Fools Day and Mother's Day.

My earliest memory of a painful period was when I was 14 or 15 years old, a freshman in high school. I remember the pain being so bad that I asked to be excused from class numerous times so I could cry in the bathroom. I didn’t have medicine or heat. After awhile, I would tell the teacher in a whisper that I wasn’t feeling well and then I would go to the front office where the school nurse worked and I would lay on the carpet or the couch in the fetal position and cry until one of my parents could pick me up from school. This was a very common occurrence.