Another Cycle Eleven Update
I am doing my very best to feel positive this cycle and I have found myself fighting back negative feelings more often than usual. I’ll do my best to keep this update positive but I do want to tell you all how I am feeling, because I know that I am not alone.
I’ve also rewrote this blog post 9999x and I am not satisfied with anything that I say.
How should I start this? Well, today I am 9 days past ovulation. It’s also cycle day 26 and my period should come either tomorrow or Sunday. I almost always (I say almost because it’s seriously like 8 in 10 months) I start my period on cycle day 27 even though I tell everyone that I have a 28-day cycle.
I haven’t really had any symptoms. The only real potential symptom is some very very light cramping that starting the evening of cycle day 24 (also known as 7 days past ovulation. The cramps are nothing like period cramps and I hardly notice them unless I sit down and have nothing to focus on. I vented about the cramps in my support group and everyone kept saying “don’t lose hope, that could really be implantation cramping” but I am not so sure. I ovulate late so I only get to 11 or 12 days past ovulation which I feel is a little smaller than other women. Other than the cramps, nothing has been going on. Not that I’m paying that much attention, I checked out on tracking symptoms back in cycle 8, to be honest.
At this point, it’s a waiting game. Of course I am hoping that my gut feeling is wrong but I don’t know if it is. It would be nice if the test that I was so negative about came back positive. But I don’t know if I have that kind of luck, but that’s what this journey does to you — makes you think you are unlucky.
I’m not totally unlucky, I have a lot of great things going for me and I have a great marriage. In a way, the last few months have only made us stronger and now we openly talk about our feelings which is nice.
Oh, and I told my brother that we were trying to conceive and that we were reaching the year mark with no success. I was pretty nervous to tell him but it went really well. He listened to me and told me that one of his friends’ is struggling to conceive too and that he saw it first hand (he is in the military and lived with them for a year) so he said he really understood, which made me feel better. It felt really good to tell someone, anyone. But I can trust him and I don’t have to worry about him feeling sorry for me (which is what I want to avoid when we tell other family). It made me feel better about potentially telling other family members too.
Well, that’s really it for my update! I appreciate you all being on this journey with me — I love hearing about your journeys too so don’t be shy! I hope to have a better and more accurate update for you all tomorrow, I would appreciate your positive thoughts for me! I need all I can get over the next few days. (I’ll return the favor of course)