Mother's Day When You Are Not A Mother
It's funny to me that I have this weird feeling today because I usually don't care about these types of holidays. Valentine's Day is nothing special to me and that is a day about celebrating your love for another person - so why would Mother's Day be any different? Maybe I feel that way because I am not a Mother and I understand that. Now that we have been trying to conceive for eleven months, I have a deeper understanding of a lot of things. This day being one of them because I have read blog posts, articles, instagram captions, and emails from so many women who dread two days; April Fools Day and Mother's Day. These days are dreaded for the same reason and I 100% understand why. I think that my deeper understanding of that sadness is because of all of the "what ifs" like "what if I had gotten pregnant on the first or second try, I would be a mother of a beautiful 2 or 3 month old baby" but I didn't and I'm not. The what ifs are something that I always struggle with, not only in the trying to conceive community but with life in general. "What if I had gotten better grades in school and got a scholarship to go to college and provide a better life for myself," "What if I was born into a different family, would I have lead a better life?" "What if I had seen a doctor and demanded answers sooner about my painful periods," etc, you get the point. I'm the Queen of that "what if" thoughts.
While I did my Sunday morning routine of food shopping, four people told me Happy Mother's Day. Which I felt was odd because that has never happened to me before. Although I am 25 years old - I look 18 and as I get older the more I like that about myself. I texted my husband at the grocery store and said,
In a weird way, maybe it's the universe making me tougher. Although I feel like my limits are tested a lot.
With all of that being said, I just wanted to wish every woman out there a Happy Mother's Day. It doesn't matter if you are a mother of one, two, three, or twenty. A pregnant mother expecting your first or so child, a mother of a baby or child in heaven, a mother of a rainbow baby growing in your belly, or a mother of a child who has yet to be conceived, not by a lack of trying just from the universe making you "tougher" (see what I did there?) - you are all so strong, beautiful, and deserving of recognition and respect not just today, but everyday. Think of this as just another day because as a woman, a mother, or a future mother that is literally doing all they can to get to the mom status, you are all of these things every day.